It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
