He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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