i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
