Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
