did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize