dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
