separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
