Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
