my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
