We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
