haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize