I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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