and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
