Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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