im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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