He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
