You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize