I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
