Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
