i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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