my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
