You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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