My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
