I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize