All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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