If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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