I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
