my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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