what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
