3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
