you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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