what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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