ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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