can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
50% drunk capacity currently
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
