hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
