Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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