just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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