and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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