oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize