so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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