at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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