How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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