I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
