You made me cry and you don't even care
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize