butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
