i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
