I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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