I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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