I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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