Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize