No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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