Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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