I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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