I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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