and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
