The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
