i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
