So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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