haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
