i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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