Having a random hookup so left but love u
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
