I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
