i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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