I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
