Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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