I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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